


The Moments I Chose to Ignore That Told Me You Were Going to Leave Me

by Viktorija (whyismynamealreadytaken)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Happy Ending, Harry is very indie and very hipster-y, Louis is not really famous, M/M, and he gets outed, and louis looks like 2014 louis, and then fall back together, because i love them, but he looks like 2014 harry, but he's a business man, eleanor just kinda appears and opens a door, harry and louis fall apart, harry cries a lot, louis also fucks up a lot, louis finds harry after all, oh and Harry gets linked to Taylor, paps are twats, they don't fit until they do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 06:34:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2057592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whyismynamealreadytaken/pseuds/Viktorija
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Someone like me?“<br/>"Someone who could have anyone and just turn around and fuck every handsome guy on this planet“<br/>"I would never leave you"</p><p>or an AU where Harry is a famous indie singer and Louis is a business man and Harry doesn't want them to fall apart, but they do</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Moments I Chose to Ignore That Told Me You Were Going to Leave Me

**Author's Note:**

> That's my first fanfiction and i think I fucked up. The title is based on the poem "The Moments I Chose to Ignore That Told Me You Were Going to Leave Me" by K. Wagner and so is the fic (well, at least a bit, I wanted a happy ending, so Louis will find Harry). It's also unbeta'd because I'm so impatient.

It's dark and quiet tonight. Or maybe it's not quiet. It's never quiet in New York. Harry's mind is loud, he feels like screaming, but the only thing coming out of his mouth is a sob. He burries his face in his hands. He called Louis five minutes ago.

_"Harry, I have to work tonight and then I'm going to meet Liam and Zayn“_

_"But I'm in New York tonight and you promised you'll have time for me“_

_"No, babe. I didn't.“_

_"You did. You just can't remember! And I could come with you meeting your friends“_

_"Harry, no. I don't want you to. Maybe somewhen else,yeah?“_

_Harry didn't answer. Louis hung up._

Harry looks up to the windows of Louis' flat. At least there's no light. So maybe Louis didn't lie. He's still at work and too tired to meet him. There was a time when Harry visited him at his office. They had sex on Sophia's -she's Louis' secretary- desk and Louis giggled and covered Harry's mouth because he's _so loud._

_"Let them hear how much you love me, honey“_

_"No one is here anymore, Harry, so we might as well be quiet“_

_"Or even louder, you're such a boring grown-up!“_

_"I'm not“_

_"Prove it“_

_"Harry Styles, I love you“, Louis whispered._

_"How does that prove that you're not a boring grown-up?“_

_"They wouldn't risk saying that they love someone like you out loud“_

_"Someone like me?“_

_"Someone who could have anyone and just turn around and fuck every handsome guy on this planet“_

_"I would never leave you and no one excepts my closest friends and family and you know that I'm gay“_

_"I know, Harry, I know“_

No, Harry would never leave Louis. That's why he's sitting on a street corner in Brooklyn and wondering what happened. „Can I help you?“, he hears a voice saying. When he looks up, he hopes for a second it would be Louis standing there and smiling at him. It's not. A woman with long brown her and brown eyes stares at him. „No, I'm alright“, Harry says. „Ok, cool. Would you mind sitting somewhere else? I'd like to open the door“, she asks. Harry nods. The girl unlocks the door and then waves a goodbye at him. Harry takes it as a sign to leave. He doesn't look back because if he did, he would see the lights in Louis' flat being switched on. He knows. He doesn't need to see. So that's Eleanor. But Louis loves him, doesn't he?

 

Harry and Louis started their thing one year ago. They met through work. It was at a meeting in London. It was raining, but this never crosses Harry's mind if he thinks about that day. But of course this is one of the few things Louis' remembers, or at least Harry thinks so. Harry is an indie singer and Louis works for a big record label. If someone asked Louis if he fell in love with Harry immediately, he would shake his head and say something rude about how he hates – hated hipsters. Not that anyone would ask him. It's not like anyone knows about them. Or maybe Louis just never was in love with him.

 

_"No, I really don't want to-“_

_"Oops!“_

_"Hi“_

_"And you are?“_

_"Harry. Harry Styles. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to spill tea on your shirt“_

_"It's okay, you're cute. I'm Louis Tomlinson“_

 

They were flirting blatantly through the whole meeting and in the end Harry didn't only have a recording deal, but also Louis' number. He was afraid to call him. After a week one of his friends, Niall, dialed Louis' number and threw the phone at Harry. This night he got laid. And he was so in love and maybe he was a fool for thinking Louis was in love, too.

Harry lives in LA now, thousands of miles away from Louis' flat in New York. They make it work though. Or made it work. At one point some things just kind of went downhill.

 

Half a year after they got to know each other, they spent the evening all cuddled up on Harry's bed and were watching Titanic. Louis took the remote control and paused the movie. Harry made a disgruntled sound, but gives in when Louis kisses him softly.

_"Babe?“_

_"Yeah?“_

_"I'have to visit my mum and my sisters. Preparations for her wedding and...“_

_"What? Hey, are you blushing?“_

_"No...No! Harry, do you want to come with me?“_

_"You'd really risk being seen with me at the airport just because you want me to meet your mum?“_

_"No, you'll have to put on a show for the paps and I'll sneak in“_

_"Oh sure“_

Harry nodded and even though he will hate being papped, he couldn't hide his smile. Maybe he wouldn't have smiled if he knew how it was going to be like. Maybe he would have cried instead.

_"Mum, this is Harry, one of my... friends“_

_Harry stopped breathing for moment and then started coughing. Louis glared at him._

_"Harry, are you alright?“, Jay asked. Harry just nodded._

Harry tried to ignore it for the whole time they were eating. He tried so hard. But after dinner, he said he was a bit tired and would go to sleep. He laid down on a freshly made bed in a room that's definitely not Louis'. The walls wre a light shade of pink and it smelled like teenage girl. Like vanilla deodorant. Louis once told him his sister Fizzie visits a boarding school and that's why Harry now had to sleep here because well, he's just Louis' _friend._

_"So, Louis how's everything going? Is New York still the perfect choice or how did you call it?“_

_"I met a girl. She's nice. Her name is Eleanor and we're dating for a while now. You should come to New York and meet her. You'll love her“_

_"Oh, that's good news. Why didn't you bring her and why did you bring Harry instead, though?“_

_"You know, Harry is under contract at Syco and I've known him since the beginning of his career and he's currently recording in LA and I just wanted him to relax for a few days“_

_"Oh sure. He seems nice and you two...“_

_"What?“_

_"Nothing, love. Maybe you should go to sleep,too. It's late and you still are jet lagged“_

_"Mum, I'm not a child anymore!“_

Louis blew her a kiss and was about to leave the living room when he bumped into Harry.

_"I just needed something to drink. I'm sorry.“_

_"No, it's perfectly fine. Just grab something and come to my room then. And keep your mouth shut“_

Later, when Harry was wrapped in Louis' arms and felt Louis naked, sweaty body against his, he suddenly felt the urge to talk about the things he overheard during Louis' and his mum's conversation.

_"Who's Eleanor?“_

_"Harry, don't. It's not important, I don't want to...“_

_"Louis, I came with you and you said I'm your fucking_ friend. _You owe me an explanation for this one, at least.“_

_"Okay, good. She's a girl I'm meeting and she is nice and lovely and she is a girl. No. Harry, don't give me that look. It's not like you ever thought about us being end game, did you? It's meant to be fun, no more. Now sleep, love.“_

Harry needs longer to fall asleep than usual. Why would Louis say something like this? He said he loved Harry. Louis loves him, doesn't he?

 

It was late and cold when Harry opens the door to Louis' flat. He had to attend a red carpet event and was already pissed off because people keep asking him questions about Taylor Swift, a girl he was once papped with. They didn't even do some couple stuff and it was only because his managers told him to meet her. She was quite nice, but he's clearly not interested in women. Like, not at all.

The flat was dark, but at least warmer than the cold air outside, almost too hot. They say there might be snow. The next day. He had to leave the next day anyway. And maybe Louis wanted to come with him. Spending christmas with him in LA. He smiled at this thought.

_"Babe, I'm home“_

_"I saw the live stream, they were so mean to you“_

_"It's not like your label didn't want it“_

_"'s not my fault. You two would make a cute couple and you were quite flirty, I actually do have eyes, you know?“_

_"Louis, don't say that. Please, just don't. The only person I would make a cute couple with is you“_

_"Harry, I... Let's just fuck, yeah? And don't call me one of those fancy people's name“_

Harry picked Louis up from the sofa and kissed him hard, harder then normally. His head hurts and he wants to forget everything for a while. When he was about to turn the light in the bedroom on, Louis held him back.

_"Don't switch it on. I don't like it, not anymore“_

Harry just nods and keeps kissing Louis. They both collapse on the bed and then Harry starts undressing Louis.

At one point Louis moans a name and it's not Harry's. He didn't cry about it later that night, alone in the bathroom. He didn't.

Louis also didn't kiss him after they had sex.

_"Why don't you kiss me like you always did?“_

_"I just don't feel like it“_

_"But why?“_

_"Harry, I don't want to talk about it“_

 

The next morning Harry already made breakfast when Louis came into the kitchen.

_"Morning, want some tea?“_

_"Yea, sure. Why did you make me breakfast? Don't you have to be in a plane one hour from now?"_

_"I'll take the next one. And I wanted to ask you if you want to come with me? It's Christmas in a week, and your birthday and I'd like to spend it with you"_

_"Harry..."_

And Harry knew he was going to say no. And his heart shattered once again. He hated the way Louis said his name like he just swallowed a razor blade. Like Harry wasn't worth it.

_"My mum asked me to bring Eleanor and I want to spend the holidays with my girlfriend and my family"_

_"It wasn't only breakfast for you, it was also for me", is all Harry whispers._

And if later Harry dropped Louis' favourite mug, it wasn't because he was hurt and angry. Definitely not.

Harry found a small box in his suitcase once he was back in Los Angeles. He didn't open it. He put it in the back of his cupboard for wine glasses. Because he hates wine . And Louis loves wine. And Louis loves him, doesn't he?

 

Louis came to LA for NYE and because he had to be there for Harry's gig at a party. Harry didn't know if Louis still would have come if it wasn't for his job. At least Eleanor wasn't

there with him.

He felt safer on stage when Louis was around and maybe this night it was okay. He even had fun singing all those love songs and maybe it was because of a certain good looking blue eyed guy who was chatting with some other business people and drinking cosmopolitans.

_"Did you write this song for me?", Louis slurred drunkenly._

_"Oh, babe, all of my songs are for you"_

_"That's cute, Harold"_

_"That's not my name"_

_"It's also sad. I'll only like these songs when we break up. I mean they are all for me. Who else could say that? No one, lovely Harold, for once you would be mine "_

_"I'm always yours"_

_"Come outside, I want a kiss for midnight"_

And they kissed, hidden from the others, but then again, who would have cared anyway? It was the beginning of a new year and everyone had someone to kiss. This night Harry fell asleep thinking about how maybe they are going to fix everything. And Louis loves him, doesn't he?

 

But Louis and Eleanor didn't break up and the next time they met Harry saw her toothbrush and her underwear in Louis' flat. No one would find out if it was him who put some lube on her toothbrush after Louis fell asleep that night.

When he came back to bed, he gently stroked Louis' arm in order to wake him up. He makes a noise and then opens his eyes.

_"You want anything, Harry? I'm tired"_

_"I just wanted to tell you that I've missed you"_

_"Stop saying that, Harry and sleep. There are always so many people around you and they are all so attractive, how could you even miss_ me _then?"_

The next morning Harry had to leave early and for the first time Louis didn't kiss him goodbye. He talked about how disgusting morning breath is and Harry just accepted it. It's not like he could have changed it, or him. He wanted to punch Louis in the face though. And the whole flight home he kept wondering why he didn't. He left his key for Louis' flat next to his empty mug. Maybe that's a punch in the face. And Louis still loves him, doesn't he?

 

Harry was recording loads of new songs for his up coming album and he was excited for the tour next year. He finally made it big and some nights it crossed his mind that maybe Louis thinks he used him for getting successful. But then again, Harry is the one who keeps running after Louis. Louis has a girlfriend, he doesn't care about Harry anymore, but Harry loves Louis and he just can't let him go like this. So he called him.

_"Louis, I'm coming to New York in a week. Have time for me?"_

_"H, I don't know. Eleanor and I..."_

_"I want to talk, please, and you already said she won't be there next week. Remember the last time you called when you were drunk and wanted sex?"_

_"Harry, that's-"_

_"No, Louis, I'm not asking for much, but we have to talk"_

_"Her plans changed and she will be home"_

_"We'll take a hotel room. Just one more time"_

_"Okay"_

_"Okay" And Harry would like to say something about how romantic the okay part would be, if they were Hazel and Gus, and not Harry and Louis._

 

 

After Harry thought about everything that happened the last year , he also thinks that Louis forgetting about him and meeting Eleanor maybe isn't that bad compared to everything else. He wants to throw up though, his legs hurt from walking around Brooklyn and he is always wary because there might be fans and if there is anything he wouldn't want at this moment, it's meeting a fan. Then, on the other hand, he looks awful and is eyes are red and puffy. Maybe that's why Eleanor didn't recognize him. Or maybe she just doesn't like this kind of music.

_"She likes pop and boybands, can you imagine?"_

_"I like pop and boybands,too, Lou"_

_"You are too hipster-y to like boybands"_

_"You still love me"_

_"If you say so"_

 

But as soon as he arrives at a crowdier place, someone comes up to him. Okay, he is able to get through this once. But hopefully there aren't more people to recognize him.

It's a blonde girl with a phone in her hand and she smiles sadly at him. So he must look really fucked up.

_"Hello, I'm so sorry to bother you, but can I just like, get a hug from you or something?"_

_"You don't want a picture?"_

_"No, just a hug, please" Harry hugs her. The teenage girl keeps speaking._

_"You and your music saved me. Last year I.. fell in love with another girl and your songs helped me to accept myself"_

_"You can be so proud of yourself. I am proud of you" He smiled at her._

_"Are you proud of yourself, too? I mean you just seem to accept yourself and love yourself and be happy. I get that you aren't officially out, but you made such a difference in my life"_

_"Yeah...yeah, it's when you have someone and that person just happens to be the same gender and you love that person, and that person loves you, god, it's so beautiful..." Wait, did Harry just confirm he's gay? To a 16-year-pld girl?_

The girls looks a bit shocked and leaves. maybe Harry should have checked if her phone was recording something. But all he could think about was the fact that he loves Louis and he finally told someone, even though he didn't say his name. But Louis doesn't love him. And it hits Harry like someone punched him in his face.

 

The girl uploads the video and Harry wants to stay in his bed forever. Some people trend _#HarryIsAFaggot_ and _#EveryoneHatesFags_ on Twitter and Harry's mum and his sister visit him. He tries to be happy about his coming out, reads positive articles about how much he helps teenagers to accept themselves. His managers text him about how he can support different LGBT+ organisations and maybe it's not a big deal after all. For everyone, but himself. They didn't get outed to the whole world by a teenager, they don't have to deal with tons of hate and it wouldn't be that bad if Louis was here. Louis would hold him and tell him how okay it is. But Louis doesn't love him and he has a girlfriend and he loves her and Louis doesn't love Harry. He doesn't love Harry. He didn't even text him some supporting stuff unlike everyone else did. He didn't call, not even on Friday nights when he's always going out with Zayn and Liam and gets drunk. And he didn't show up on his door step saying how sorry he is. And Harry needs him more than he needs oxygen to go on with his life.

 

_"Hey, Harry, you ugly fag, look at me!"_

Harry doesn't know if paps are allowed to say stuff like that, but they are also allowed to follow him around and harass him 24/7 so might as well add some hurtful comments. He tries to ignore it, but when they come closer to his house and the paparazzi keeps getting ruder, he just can't hold back some tears. It's already late and he went out with some friends. Why did he go without security though? He feels dumb and weak.

_"Is that your boyfriend waiting for you there?", the pap shouts._

There's a guy standing in front of the gate and it's... _Louis_.

The next thing Harry sees, is how Louis takes the camera away from the pap and throws it on the ground and _god, Louis is tiny and that pap could easily kill him or something._

_"You will have to pay for his camera, Louis and he is fucking angry"_

_"Harry, why are you crying? Did he make you... I'll kill him!"_

_"No, let's go inside. And it's a bit risky to kill someone who is about one foot taller than you Why are you even here?"_

_"I don't know, someone told me that I could find you at a street corner in Los Angeles, since I couldn't find you in New York. So i found you after all"_

_"I don't get it though. Are you drunk?"_

_"Eleanor said she saw you... that night in New York and you were waiting there and I was at work because I didn't want to meet you and then all this shit happened and I saw that video and baby, I'm so proud of you, I..." His voice breaks and he's crying now, too._

_"She's your girlfriend, Lou, you love her and you made it very clear that I'm nothing more than a convenient shag for you."_

_"That's not the truth and you know that, Harry"_

_"Then tell me the fucking truth, I deserve it"_

And then he tells Harry about how he fell in love with him. With a guy, for the first time. And how he didn't want it to be real and how he thought Harry uses him and when he realized that Harry didn't use him, he didn't understand why he didn't just sleep with someone equally famous or with one of those beautiful girls he was linked to for PR. Harry can't stop crying and neither can Louis and when Louis tells Harry about how he thought that Eleanor was better for him, Harry leaves the room and throws up everything he has eaten today and then he comes back and Louis made him tea and hugs him. He tells him about how angry his mum was when he visited her last week and how angry Eleanor was when he left her. And how angry he was at himself because he _is a grown up man who always fucks up relationships._ Then Harry kisses him and apoplogizes for giving him the feeling of not being good enough. But they know it will take a bit more than all of this. they will need time to fix, but they found each other again, after all.

Louis also found the box in the back of the cupboard.

_"Why did you put it there?"_

_"I didn't open that cupboard a lot, so I couldn't see it"_

_"Oh. Yeah, sure. Did you ever open the box?"_

_"No, I-"_

_"Hey, I understand. It's okay. You could open it now though"_

And so Harry does and he doesn't shed even more tears when he sees the silver necklace with a small paperplane pendant and the head scarf with flowers on it. He doesn't.

 

Later when they are cuddling in Harry's bed, Louis pulls away a bit and turns around to look into Harry's eyes.

_"God, I almsot forgot how beautiful you are"_

_"Almost?"_

_"It's hard to get over your beauty when your sad eyes look at me from very magazin cover"_

_"I'm not sad anymore"_

_"I know, Harry. I actually see it because you are here next to me"_

_"I put lube on Eleanor's toothbrush"_

_"Why did you just tell me that?"_

_"Because you never asked me why I'm not a boring grown-up"_

_"Oh my god, my boyfriend is such a manchild"_

_"And you aren't?"_

_"I'm not a boring grown-up"_

_"Prove it"_

_"I love you, Harry Styles", Louis shouts. Really loudly._

_"I love you, too, but why did you shout it?"_

_"I want everyone to know"_

_"And that proves that you're not boring?"_

_"I love you and that's not boring. I'm here for you. It might be the most exciting thing in my life ever."_

And for tonight that's enough. Maybe even for tomorrow, next week, the next two months or 100 years. Louis loves Harry and Harry loves Louis. That's all that matters.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The Moments I Chose to Ignore That Told Me You Were Going to Leave Me:  
> 1\. The night I was crying on a street corner in Brooklyn and your concrete feet refused to come find me  
> 2\. When you introduced me to your mother as a friend  
> 3\. How on December 10th, 2012 you stopped kissing the curve of my shoulder before we fell asleep  
> 4\. How after that you always wanted to fuck in the dark  so you could rearrange my face to look like anyone else’s but my own  
> 5\. When you started saying my name like the aftermath of swallowing a fistful of razorblades  
> 6\. The only time you said you would appreciate my music would be after “us” because you knew the lyrics would be all dedicated in your name  
> 7\. That night in April when I was visiting the city and your bed I whispered “I’ve missed you” into your collarbones and you told me to, “Stop saying that.”  
> 8\. How the next morning you didn’t kiss me goodbye when I took my plane home  
> 9\. When I felt like I needed you like the expansion of my ribcage to breathe  
> 10\. The night I was crying on a street corner in Los Angeles and your atlas hands refused to come find me  
> -K.Wagner


End file.
